Two of my friends and many more acquaintances seem to be committed to the idea of learning as little as possible about pop culture, or about any culture that represents the contemporary world. This has caused an endless series of rancorous emails on a social work list serve of all places. You’d think we’d know how to play with others in the sandbox without throwing sand, even if it’s thrown at us. The ugly specter of ageism is running rampant in our midst and it’s working both ways. Those of us over 65 can’t be bothered to learn new words for things and those under 40 lump all of us older folks together under one umbrella labeled: Clueless. Or worse. It’s been happening on other list serves in the mental health community too, probably an outgrowth of the pandemic which kept us all away from in-person gatherings and glued to our phones, I-pads and other screens. We live in a virtual, anonymous world now.

I wasn’t kind when my friend asked me what a dick-pic is. Someone had sent one to a therapist in our community and she was seeking advice for how to handle it. A serious matter. But I got stuck on the disbelief that my friend had never heard of the phenomenon and my reaction had the sting of judgment. Not my finest moment. But really. What variety of rock have you been living under to have never even heard the term? Granted, I’ve never been sent one and I’m not sure what I’d do if it I were. I’d probably ask for advice too; unless if was from a boyfriend, if such a character ever shows up in my life again. Keep hope alive.

Then my friend David whom I first met in junior high school, an erudite, literary guy with a kind heart, said something snarky on Facebook about not caring who Taylor Swift’s new boyfriend is. (He obviously hadn’t seen him doing the Beastie Boys’ “You Gotta Fight for the Right to Party” with Jimmy Fallon.) Admittedly, I’d never heard of Travis Kelce either before his stock exploded on social media because of the Taylor Swift connection. I’m not a sports fan, so I suppose my ignorance there could be cause for criticism. And I’m guessing David doesn’t spend hours in the evening scrolling various internet platforms to catch the latest TikTok reels like some people who’ve also got impressive graduate degrees. But why the disdain for even the slightest bit of celebrity curiosity? Why display a badge of courage for having no idea what’s going on outside your bubble?

Whether it’s learning that the term “Asperger’s” is no longer acceptable in the neurodiversity community — (Turns out Johann Asperger was probably a Nazi sympathizer) — or that the term “queer” is no longer a slur like it was in the ’60’s or that Justin Timberlake did a duet with Chris Stapleton on his blockbuster hit “Tennessee Whiskey,” or that the rapper 50 Cent speaks highly of Eminem, aren’t we all better if we find out more about each other? I don’t know why exactly, but it’s a life passion for me, one that seems to be growing stronger now in my seventh decade! I don’t want to be consigned to the “clueless” camp. And I get that people feel angry when those around them seem not to care about the language or the issues that matter deeply to them. At first, I found it awkward to use the pronoun “they/them” when referring to one person, but all it takes is a little practice and before you know it, it’s rolling off your tongue as if your high school English teacher was standing at the blackboard explaining why it’s the right thing to do. And it’ll be on the test.